Why I Won't Read Your Writing

I've been scanning some entries on fiction press and critique circle. The majority of the writing is terrible. The funny thing is this one person kept complaining about not getting comments on their work. To this person, there is a reason for this. People don't comment on stories they haven't read (usually). Here are some reasons why I read the first paragraph of your story, hit the back button, and look for another story to check out.

1. You do not know how to use commas. Commas are the most used punctuation in the English language (perhaps behind the period, but most folks know how to use those).

2. Your sentences aren't sentences. I use incomplete sentences all the time, but I use them sparingly and on purpose.

3. Your story is in present tense, and you obviously don't know how to use it. Jeez Louis. There's a reason why so many stories are written in past tense. Not being able to use it correctly just confuses the reader.

4. You don't know where to put the commas, periods, or quotations when someone is speaking. You think someone can cough, "I love you." This just makes you look stupid. Nearly all fiction has dialogue in it. A good ninety-nine point nine percent of it has to. Not using quotations correctly shows you have not read enough to know how to use them correctly; thus, you have hardly read anything at all.

5. Your sentence length averages more that fifteen words. If I'm fighting to read every sentence, I'm not going to get to the end of your story.

6. You don't know what 'show don't tell' means in a literary sense.

7. You don't know where the spell check is on your computer, and I can tell.

8. You own a thesaurus, and I can tell.

9. You just spent ten sentences describing a doorknob.

10. Every other sentence, you break up the flow of the story to tell us how your character feels or what they are thinking.

11. I've gone through the first two paragraphs of your story, and nothing has happened.

12. Your characters are always talking, but I never know where or when or what anything looks like. This is also known as you are too lazy to describe the location, setting, et cetera.

13. You have used ten words where you could have used one word.

14. Your main character's name looks like this: Kkfoieownownf.

15. Your story (God forbid) is written in second person.